1 global pandemic + 1 narcissist (disguised as a co-parent) + remote learning with 2 kids = my 2020 leading line up of legit hardcore joy-stealers. However, there is one that takes the cake and still has the nerve to demand more; pure gluttony (fitting). Wait. Before I continue, perhaps you too have a joy-stealer in your life, lurking behind and waiting for the moment to crush all of your micro, small, and big joys. They are made of “gossip, criticism, complaining, faultfinding, a negative judgmental attitude,” and nothing nice. They may also throw epithets better than the old Tyson. Enter said person; who thrives on deflating any ion of happiness that may exist in your space, but will never admit it. Nope, not a chance. Right? Sound familiar? But, how does the attempt to destroy another make you saintly? Insecurity and jealousy are two bone-deep, ugly, and hateful mother f***ers. Never invite them into your home and keep your ears peeled for the ones who are unwilling to claim the title that is rightfully theirs to own. Beware!
I could go on and on about the inner psyche of a narcissist, but that’s not really my jam. BUT, I am extremely proud to scream from the tip top of a mountain, “I survived a toxic marriage with a narcissist and still see the world in color.” Keep reading for tips on combatting your own joy stealer(s).
Kill joys remain incapable of celebrating another’s happiness, because they are fueled by putting people down, which requires participation from their prey. Remove yourself from this relationship as it takes two for the dysfunction to exist and thrive. If needed, please read that one more time.
If you can’t shake this person for 18 years, limit your time and set boundaries that work for YOU. They will still attempt to cross those lines, so be prepared for those fun-filled moments.
Remember, everything is about them and not you. Their anger and negativity comes from a place of unresolved pain; not your issue. I repeat, not.your.issue. Wish them well even though they may be undeserving of you. Hanging on to negativity will only pull you down.
Don’t let the apologies, gifts, and calculated kindness fool you…narcissist are repeat offenders and masters at manipulation. The cycle of toxicity always repeats itself.
Seek help from a professional who may provide you with additional tips and methods to protect your private sphere aka proxemics.
Have you ever blocked someone and just breathed easier? Remember, your peace is always a non-negotiable.
July 22nd, the day this queen was born, I went to bed completely stuffed with birthday joy, AND I woke up without a lick of guilt looming over my head. Unfortunately, Thanksgiving is always another story (rolls eyes).
Sunday, my Birthday Eve, was spent enjoying all things simple: friendship, belly laughs, flavorful food, mimosas, chauffeured rides, siestas, discovering a new fav place to dine, complimentary desserts, and being woken up to midnight birthday kisses all over my cheek from Lulu (aka best friend and soul sister). I guess that was my birthday theme this year, unelaborate and fulfilling. I wanted to soak it all in with positive people who love and support me. No club scene, no traditional sequin party dress, and definitely no 3-tier birthday cake. I was craving a 24-hour break from the word Mommy mixed in with some self-love, and that’s just what the universe delivered. In the words of June Osborne, praise be!
I floated into the 1 Hotel and let me tell you, what you see online is what you get, but much more (we all know this isn’t always the case). In the common areas there’s beautiful baskets of fresh fruit available, tons of white, beige, and green decor all over the place (ironically my wedding colors, go figure). It’s like being transported into an indoor magical forest of modern impeccable design and detail. A calmness and peace immediately covered my mind and body for the duration of my stay. And to top it off, my room was ready for an early check in at 1:00 pm…ayyyyyy! Birthday blessings and good karma make for unexpected and delightful surprises.
The room! It looked to be the work of Joanna Gaines, the goddess of HGTV. A sustainable art piece: plush white linen couch, textured white walls, floor-to-ceiling windows, beautiful wooden headboard, chalkboard on the nightstand in place of the usual pad and paper, hangers recycled out of homework (the teacher in me was tickled but not pink), a yoga mat (definitely not for me, but I appreciated the gesture), and the sweater-like cozy robe that put me to sleep. It was just what I ordered. At one point, there was a random knock at my door. Turns out the hotel team curated a generous display of sweet treats along with a celebratory message. I felt like a princess! It’s really the little things that mean the most.
The next morning, I woke up with such gratitude and wholeness, the clouds from the year parted and light was shining all around me. This must be what happiness feels like. So, I danced, entertained myself with a few rounds of karaoke, courtesy of Spotify, had a breakfast-in-bed date with my selfie, a soak in the tub, and enjoyed the company in the room with me, myself, and I.
Birthday takeways: Take time to really appreciate what is pleasurable, nurturing, and sustaining to your soul. Delete or cut (don’t paste) what is annoying, frustrating, and hurtful. Adopt an attitude of gratitude. Be present. Live.